I breastfed both my daughters combined for 5 years. I was a really determined mom but also my background as a professional nurse helped with anchoring the clinical benefits of breastfeeding. 
This was a season in my life where everything felt like too much.

The noise. The giving. The touch. The mess. Especially at the end of the breastfeeding journey where I felt depleted and like I was overextending myself. 

I had lost so much weight and started developing body image issues. I became too self-conscious and getting dressed was my least favorite activity. 
And in the quiet moments , when there were quiet moments , I realized I didn’t really know how to receive, the sad part was i couldn’t even from myself.

I used to think “pleasure” had to be expensive, sexy, or reserved for when everything else was done.

But during one of those in-between phases — where the budget was tight, and the energy was tighter — I began a small ritual which I learned through a beautiful course I took with Kagiso Msimango called Awakening woman being. 

The course was so vital to my becoming become it helped me to fully see myself and truly know that I am only as good to others if I am in my best version.

I started a ritual of massaging myself especially because I was so disconnected to myself.

This was a moment where it was Just me, my body, and an oil blend I mixed from what I had in the kitchen.

I would massage my chest, not to change it, not to fix it, but to thank it.
I would let my own hands become an offering of tenderness.

On the days I had help, I’d ask for a neck or back rub.
But when I didn’t, I’d wrap my arms around myself and say:

“I’m still worthy of touch, even if I’m the one giving it.”

That’s how my pleasure map began — not with grand gestures, but with small acts of reverence.

🧡 What I Learned

• Pleasure doesn’t have to wait. It can live inside your day, your budget, your body.
• Your hands can be sacred. They cook, they carry, they clean… they can also bless.
• You don’t have to perform sensuality. You can live it quietly, gently, inwardly.

And you don’t need to earn it.
You already deserve it — just by being here.

🌸 Try This:

Create a 5-minute breast or body oil ritual.
Use olive oil, coconut oil, sesame oil — whatever you have. Add a drop of lavender or simply bless it with your intention.
Massage your chest, shoulders, or belly while breathing deeply. Whisper to yourself: “This is mine. This is safe. This is sacred.”

This isn’t self-care for performance.
It’s self-remembrance.
It’s a way to mother yourself in the midst of mothering everyone else.

And I promise: once you feel your own hands offering you kindness —
something in you will begin to soften, and return home.

Love and healing 

Neo aka The GenieCoach